Quick Fix
by BingoBongo
Summary: Edward and Bella thought they had everything worked out. They thought they knew how to satisfy their hormones without risking their hearts. They were wrong. A quick fix never lasts forever. E/B. All Human.
1. Prologue

Summary: Edward and Bella thought they had everything worked out. They thought they knew how to satisfy their hormones without risking their hearts. They were wrong. A quick fix never lasts forever. E/B.

* * *

**Prologue**

_It ends where it starts. Full circle._

The music was so loud I could barely hear him. Even a flight above the party with the door closed and locked I could only hear his heavy breathing when it was right beside my ear.

We were against a wall, the same wall as where this _thing_ started. We were better now, more experienced. It should have felt better now but all I could think was goodbye.

"I'm sorry. So sorry. Tell me you forgive me. Tell me it's okay." He panted in my ear, between kisses against my neck while his fingers moved in and out.

I tightened my hand that was wrapped around him. He moaned loudly and his forehead dropped against the wall.

I gasped as his lips touched against my neck. I swallowed, closed my eyes and opened them again to be met with his face. The face I dreamed about every night. The face that could make me angrier, wetter and happier than anything else on the planet combined.

"Say it."

It wasn't okay. It would never be okay.

I looked at him, letting my feelings bubble to the surface for the first time in this whole fucked up mess. I couldn't stop the tears that pooled in my eyes.

His movements stopped. I watched his throat constrict as he swallowed. He could see what this was doing to me, what he was doing to me.

"Please." He was begging now. Edward never begged. He didn't have to; he always got what he wanted.

I wanted to stop the tears that were forming in his eyes but I couldn't. For the first time we couldn't fix each other. So I kissed him, deep and hard as I led him to my entrance.

"Say it. Say you understand. I'll. Fix. **Everything**." He choked out between gasps as we thrusted faster.

I couldn't breathe. Everything in me wanted to kiss him again and push away my hurt, my pain and just be with him, but I couldn't. I wouldn't, because the next time he did this, I don't think I would be left standing.

"No." His eyes scrunched shut like he was trying to fight away the pain. He pushed off the wall, did up his trousers, unlocked the door and walked through it.

The slam the door made could barely be heard over the thumping music.

_It was supposed to be an experiment, a game, a point to prove, a rebellion. They weren't supposed to get their hearts broken._


	2. Chapter 1

This is set about six months before the prologue.

I hope you enjoy the first chapter.

P.S. Happy Birthday Thais!

=]

* * *

**Chapter 1**

BPOV

I don't think I have ever been so mad in my life.

An hour ago I was in a committed, relatively happy two year relationship with Jacob Black who I could not go a day without seeing, now I'm single, pissed off and I never want to see him again. It's funny how things change.

I pulled up to Alice's for the weekly Saturday night movie and I could see that all the usual gang were present; Alice, her boyfriend Jasper, Rosalie, her boyfriend Emmett and Edward.

Edward was Alice and Emmett's cousin and he lived with them, he was friends with Jasper, Rosalie couldn't stand him and I didn't really know him, it sounds ridiculous considering the amount of time we spend in each others presence but I only _really_ knew him by reputation.

It was not a good reputation.

I opened the front door and all four and a bit foot of Alice was on her feet straight away hugging me to within an inch of my life, I wasn't quite sure how she moved so fast.

"How was your day with Jacob, Bella?" Rosalie asked, smiling sweetly as she tossed her blond hair over her shoulder.

I grunted and took the only space left, next to Edward, in front of the TV with my back resting against Rose's legs that were hanging off the couch.

"That good, huh?" chuckled Emmett before he let out a whine. Rosalie had smacked him across the head; I could feel the edges of my mouth try to turn up to smile but they didn't quite make it.

"We broke up."

Alice let out a gasp and she appeared in front of me.

"Why did you break up with him?"

_Ouch. _

"I didn't, he broke up with me."

Alice didn't seem to comprehend that fact.

"But he's younger than you, a whole year younger." She exclaimed, her arms gesturing wildly.

"You're the older, wiser, sexy girlfriend who teaches him the way of the world. He doesn't get to break up with you. It would be stupid to break up with you." She just kept making it worse.

"Apparently not."

"Did he give a reason?" Rosalie asking comfortingly and effectively shut Alice up as she rubbed my shoulders.

I shook my head and made a little lie about how we were growing apart. To tell them the real reason, especially with three boys in the room would hurt me a hell of a lot more than the break up ever would.

"Wanker."

"Dickhead."

"Fucktard."

The boys gave their input.

"Thanks guys, you're so sweet."

"No worries Bells and don't worry we'll protect you from all the horny boys who want to get in your pants on the first day of school." Rosalie slapped Emmett's head again. This time I actually smiled.

"What Emmett means to say is we're sorry Bella and we'll keep away any unwanted attention." Jasper clarified.

I laughed.

"What?" Jasper questioned.

"I really don't think you'll have to keep away any attention. I highly doubt I'll get any."

Edward let out a massive scoff which made us both turn red. Me, because well I didn't exactly see myself as a sex kitten and Edward probably blushed because it was an involuntary noise and I doubt he meant it to be interpreted as I was the subject of teenager boy's desires.

"As if Bella, I know at least five guys that are dying to ask you out." Edward smiled. Okay then, maybe I was wrong.

"Yeah, Edward's right. You are gorgeous and you'll be even more gorgeous when Rose and I come over on Monday morning to get you ready for school."

I groaned.

"Do you want to talk about it Bells?" Alice asked seriously, losing the playful tone.

"Nope, I want to watch…" I looked over to the DVD bookcase. "Deatheaters 2"

"Good choice." Jasper jumped up to set the TV up as everyone else shifted to get comfortable.

A hand suddenly appeared on my arm, I looked towards the source. It was Edward. The boy who I'd probably said a dozen words to since he moved here last year. Okay, maybe a dozen was a bit of an understatement, a few hundred maybe and considering how much time we spent in each others presence, a few hundred words was nothing. We just hung out because he was friends with Jasper and Emmett. I didn't know him like I knew the other two boys.

"I'm really sorry Bella. You're too good for him anyway." His beautiful green eyes glowed with honesty.

"Thanks." I smiled softly as the film started.

He looked away and we began to watch the film and despite my obvious anger at Jacob I still couldn't find it within me to feel sad about our break-up.

* * *

I tried numerous attempts to start more conversations with Edward later in the evening but he snubbed each one of them. I tried not to be pissed off. He didn't really talk to anyone except his cousins and Jasper; he only talked to Rose when she was pissing him off. It was just his way.

Frustrated with the lack of conversation I stood up and made my way into the Cullen kitchen. I knew where everything was in this house, despite its massive size. I spent a lot of my time here. I rarely saw Edward though; it was like he wanted to stay out of my way.

I ripped open the popcorn packet I had taken from the cupboard and place it in the microwave.

Emmett stumbled in a few moments later rubbing at his mouth.

"Rose got you?" I laughed.

"Her lips look so yummy with all that shiny goop on them-"

"Lip-gloss."

"Yeah, that, but it's sticky as hell."

"TMI Emmett." I laughed and turned back to the microwave.

"Sorry." He apologised earnestly.

"I saw you talking to Edward in there."

I shrugged.

"I know you have feelings for him Bells." He bit the bullet; I knew my shoulders tensed so I wasn't surprised when he stepped closer to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"It doesn't matter. If we're honest Edward and I aren't even friends, Jasper is his only friend. You, Alice, Carlisle and Esme are his family, Jasper is his friend and Rosalie is his friend-slash-bitching post. If he wanted everyone could be his friend. Everyone likes him, he just doesn't like anyone. I don't think he even likes himself." I said sadly.

"He can't help it." Emmett tightened his hug. "It's his defence."

I hummed quietly in agreement.

"He doesn't like people getting close and considering his childhood I'm not surprised. He's not like everyone else Bells, you can't go through what he did and come out all sunshine and flowers."

"I know."

"Every night before he goes out my mom stops him at the door, kisses his cheek and tells him she loves him. He looks at her so sadly, like he would do anything just to be able to say it back, show the same affection but he can't. Even though she has been his mom for nearly 9 years, for all intents and purposes, he can't, he can't let himself love her back. He's broken Bella. It's sad and it _sucks_ but it's the truth. You can't expect anything from him."

Emmett's voice was heavy with emotion. He loved Edward like a brother and while they were close Edward wouldn't let himself be too close.

"I understand." I said in a final tone. This conversation was done.

I cleared my throat to remove the lump of sadness that had formed at the thought of Edward's sad life. I didn't know very much about it, no one did. Only Esme and Carlisle and, of course, Edward knew the full details. All that I knew was his parents were dead and had been since he was 9.

"And anyway, Jacob and I just broke up; I won't be even thinking about anyone else for a while."

"Like Jazz and I said, we shall be protecting you." He chuckled, trying to diffuse the sad air that had spread across the kitchen.

* * *

Alice and Rosalie spent the entire of Monday morning informing me of how everyone was desperate to get into my pants. Well everyone except Jacob, but they didn't know that. Rosalie decided that because my pants wouldn't be big enough to fit every boy that apparently wanted to get near them I would wear _have_ to a skirt and would continue to do so for the entire week. Despite numerous attempts to negotiate a compromise they refused to be swayed. So here I was in Forks, Washington, what could quite possibly be the coldest and wettest part of the US, wearing a shirt that didn't even touch my knees and a top that I had decided was far to thin and tight for my liking. Rose and Alice even made sure I drove off before leaving the house, _"just in case I felt like turning around and changing."_ Bitches.

I pulled into the school parking lot and with a grunt I swung my truck door open, as I twisted my body to get out of the cab I flashed Mike Newton my panties. My car just wasn't meant for girls in skirts.

I huffed again, swinging my bag over my shoulder and shivering as a gust of wind passed across my legs, I made my way into the school building and to my locker.

I heard a door slam and feet pound against the floor behind me, as they got closer they began to drop in momentum.

"Yes Mike?" I grunted without even turning around, so much for Emmett and Jasper protecting me from the hormones of Forks High. There was nothing better to start a Monday morning than a run in with Mike Newton.

The boy seemed to think just because he'd seen my knickers he could come talk to me when my body language demonstrated that I was in a less than pleasant mood.

"There's a party at my house this Friday and I would like to _personally_ invite you." His eyebrows raised on the word personally. I think I threw up in my mouth a little. Don't do that again Mike. Word had clearly spread about "Bella and La Push" breaking up.

"Erm…"

"Everyone really wants you to come, we haven't seen you since the beginning of summer, you've either been up at the beach or with Alice and Rosalie, _everyone _really misses you..."

He said everyone like, literally the entire, newly, senior class missed me. My friends were popular that was for sure, Alice and Rosalie were the girls you wanted to be friends with, the girls that you'd give a leg to spend a day with, Jasper was the interesting, friendly yet intellectual boy next door, Emmett was the school superstar; there was not a sport he could not do and then there was Edward, he's the… gorgeous one. That was no secret. His auburn hair and his green eyes and his dazzling smile, they were heart stopping by themselves but _with_ his body, his lean but built body, he was the definition of sex, not that I'd ever tell him that. That would make our quasi-friendship extremely awkward.

"Bella?" Mike laughed.

"Sorry, erm… yeah, sure. Friday night. Your house. Got it." I smiled tightly before turning and trying not to sprint to my locker.

"8 o'clock." He yelled after me.

I extended my arm and gave him a thumbs up sign without turning around.

* * *

E POV

The first week of school after summer was always interesting, I didn't realise how interesting though.

Emmett woke me up at 5am. Dick. He was going for a run and thought I might like to join him. It's 5am. Enough said.

I was downstairs and eating breakfast in time to see Alice rush out with a bunch of clothes. She noticed me, stuck a kiss on my cheek despite my rule about affection - generally I didn't like it - and ran out with a few rushed words. "Bella needs my expertise."

I chuckled into my cereal as I remembered how frustrated Bella got when Alice and Rosalie 'offered' their services on Saturday night. Bella's face turned an alluring shade of red.

Emmett strolled in sweaty quite a bit later.

"Dude!" I checked the clock above the oven. "We've got to be at school in 15!"

My aunt and uncle had taken his car away for two weeks. He was caught doing something I really didn't want to know about on a rival team's field with Rosalie and so I was on chauffeur duty. I could not be late for school on the first day back. The principal was on my ass enough already.

"So…" He asked confused as he set about cracking four eggs into a pan.

"You're rank." I gestured to his sweaty exterior and his fucking soaked t-shirt. It made me want to projectile vomit my cereal.

"Unlike some members of this family," he looked pointedly at me, "I don't spend 45 minutes doing my hair and making sure I look good for Bella."

"Fuck you." I still curse the day I got so drunk that I thought it would be clever to tell him that particular secret. I guess I should be glad it was that secret I told him and not the one he was asking about, the one about my parents. That would just make shit awkward. It's just some things should just be left alone. This was one of them.

"I saw you talking to her last night."

"She was upset." I said like that explained everything. I didn't talk to Bella, it was an unwritten rule, everyone knew it but no one spoke of it.

"No she wasn't. Jacob was a dick. She was embarrassed not upset."

"It's not like it matters. I probably said like five words."

"You never even say one to her. It's a rare occasion you say hello."

I flicked him the finger.

"Don't do that." He grunted angry.

"Do what?"

"Treat me like everyone else. Be rude to me because you think I'm getting close to the truth. You always do that and you know what it doesn't make you smart or self preserving, it just makes you an ass."

I rested my elbows on the kitchen island and grasped at my hair.

"Tell her you like her."

"No." I said instantly.

"Why?" He growled. "I _know _you like her."

"I'm allowed to like people; I don't have to go declaring my feelings to them though."

"Bull."

"I like Jessica."

"No, you like Jessica when she's on your dick. You can't deal with her any other time."

"Whatever." I got off my stool. "I'm done with this conversation."

"She had a massive freaking smile on her face after you spoke to her last night. Bella wants to be your friend. Talk to her, _be_ her friend."

"I can't be her friend." I exhaled as I sat back down on my stool.

"What?"

"I just _can't_."

"Once again, _what_?" He asked, his tone confused, he didn't understand. I had to make him understand.

"If I'm her friend, I'll want to be more because I can see how amazing she is without even being her friend and I don't want her that close. I don't want anyone that close. I'm doing what's best for her."

"So let's get this straight… you don't talk to Bella because you think you'll want to be with her, but you'll let pretty much any girl in a fifty mile radius get with you? That's has the most stupid thing I've ever heard."

"You hear what comes out of your mouth most of the time right?" He threw a bagel at me.

Emmett finished frying his eggs and slid them onto a plate, he grabbed a fork and began shovelling it into his mouth. He didn't wait to finish his mouthful before talking again.

"You think if you're friends with her, you'll want her?"

"Dude, close your damn mouth when you eat."

"Answer the question."

I paused as I was embarrassed that I about to admit this out loud. I didn't get feelings for anyone. I was Edward Cullen. Enough said.

"Yes."

He was trying not to laugh. I could see the way his lips pursed, the way his dimples pinched.

"You think it's so ridiculous that I could have actual _real _feelings for someone?"

"No. I think it's ridiculous that you won't talk to her."

I grunted. My logic was slightly insane I can admit but the further I placed myself from her, the easier it was to deny that I have feelings for her, that maybe, one day, I could love her. I didn't love anyone now. Not after Chicago. It was hard enough pretending like I wanted to be part of this 'family', I just wanted to be alone.

"I'm protecting her. You know what I'm like when I feel I get too close I push away and I _know_ I'll get too close to her and it's going to hurt her when I have to get away. So it's easier not to be friends, not to talk to her."

"You talk to Alice."

"That's different, she's family."

"You talk to Jessica."

"Nasal voice and can't give carry a conversation for shit. I could never want to _be_ with her." I cringed at the prospect of being her boyfriend.

"You talk to Rose."

"Number one, I could never have feelings for anyone you were with, that's just a rule and number two, I can't talk to her for more than a minute without wanting to scream."

"Dude. Not cool." He looked a little pissed. I guess I shouldn't insult his girlfriend.

"Sorry but we're not exactly buddies." Emmett nodded and paused for thought.

"Bella wants to be your friend. You should try, you need some more people in your life that mean something man. If she gets to close that weird fucked up mechanism in you will start flashing and you can just back off."

I stayed silent and looked down at the table. Emmett didn't say anything for some time; he finished his plate, put it in the dishwasher and stood across from me. The silence was suffocating and I could feel his stare on me.

"Don't you ever get tired of feeling empty?" He asked in an almost pained voice.

The answer felt almost too honest. Every bone in my body willed me to lie and tell him that I didn't, that my life was perfect but I couldn't. I owed Emmett some honesty.

"All the fucking time."

He nodded sadly and the situation felt too heavy, too real and I didn't like it. I needed to just get away. I got off my stool and grabbed my school bag and keys.

"Five minutes then I'm leaving." I turned to tell him.

He could see I didn't like the truthful atmosphere.

"Okay."

I turned again but was interrupted by his voice.

"You talk to Jasper."

"I'm not going to fall for Jazz and he's not going to fall for me."

"You sure about that?" Emmett wiggled his eyebrows. "I've seen how you look at him and now I think of it, you look at Mike that way too. Do you want to tell me something?"

Mike was the fucking bane of my life, the only reason I was going to his party on Friday was so I could watch Bella from afar and make sure no dicks got near her. Well that and to get wasted, I knew I'd need to by the end of this week, I could feel it already.

He laughed as I walked out.

"You can walk to school sucker." The laughing stopped as I got into my car.

* * *

When I drove into school the parking lot was packed with cars and no students. I guess Emmett wasn't going to be the only late one.

"Late on the first day of school Cullen?" Mr Aro, the principal, asked as I walked down the empty corridor.

"Appears so, doesn't it sir." I gritted my teeth. Something about him just rubbed me up the wrong way.

"I'll let you off this time but I think you should try to stay out of trouble a little more Mr Cullen, after all you are a senior now." He was talking to me like I was a bloody tormentor, though I guess in this ridiculously small town I was. It was hard adapting from Chicago, my home for nine years to this stupid little place. I mean who in the fuck calls a place Forks?

I walked away from Mr Aro and towards my home room. I pushed the door a little too hard and it swung open and slammed against the wall. Mrs Lukas looked at me disapprovingly as I took a seat in the back. I shoved my iPod buds into my ears and zoned.

* * *

The morning went fast. I didn't listen to anything the teachers said, the first day of each year was always the same, teachers had not prepared a lesson plan so they just went through the syllabus for the first half of the lesson and then left us to our own devices for the second half.

Despite the efforts of several of the girls I had _'spent some time with' _last year who were trying to catch my attention I would just plug in my iPod and ignore them. I would go to them when I needed them.

I felt guilty for 'using girls like Kleenexes' as Rosalie had so aptly put it during one of our frequent arguments but the girls knew that what happened was just physical. I made them feel good and they made me forget for a while. I never led them to believe we had a future or it was exclusive, it was just plain old sexual fulfilment.

As I walked into lunch several people asked me to sit with them, be it girls who wanted said sexual fulfilment or guys who thought they could use me for information to achieve the same set up but I refused every one of them when I saw Bella sitting on the far side of the cafeteria, by herself, with a book in her hand. She was beautiful. She was always beautiful.

Emmett's words echoed in my head. _"Bella wants to be your friend. You should try, you need some more people in your life that mean something man. If she gets to close that weird fucked up mechanism in you will start flashing and you can just back off."_

I took three steps in her direction before the light started to flash. I swallowed, stopped and looked for another free table. I sat at one a few tables away, against the slightly shadowed wall but I could still see Bella. She had a slight smile on her face and I found myself wondering what she was reading.

Seemingly out of nowhere Mike stepped up to Bella's table and started talking to her. She was shaking her head, not in an upset way, she still had a smile on her face and she turned back to her book. Mike looked almost pissed off and grabbed Bella's arm. He was trying to pull her up, he clearly wanted her to sit with him and she didn't want to.

I rubbed my face vigorously with my hand and got up.

I strolled over to Bella's table, dropped by bag on the table and sat opposite her. She looked at me with surprise and her eyes flickered between Mike and me. She wanted me to get rid of him.

I looked up to Mike, his face slightly red from anger. _You're not going to touch Bella_, I thought with a smile.

"Fuck off Mike." I smirked up at him. It was no secret that we despised each other. "Bella told you she didn't want to sit with you so you can leave now."

His face grew redder and he sped off embarrassed and pissed off.

"Where are the others?" I asked.

"They have the first lunch period." Bella and I had the second.

Bella was still looking at me with a smile on her face so I got my sandwich out of my bag then grabbed one of her crisps and began munching on it.

"Thank you." I looked up at her; her face was honest and optimistic. "When Jasper and Emmett said I might need saving today I didn't think it would be by you."

I snatched another of her crisps.

I nodded, uncomfortable with her appreciation.

"So, what are you reading?" I asked as I reached for her book to try to distract her.

Her smile didn't lessen as she answered me. It was a crap book, I told her so, she disagreed and we debated the plot and the characters for nearly half an hour before the bell for the end of lunch signalled.

I realised that we were talking, really talking and there was no flashing light. I couldn't stop the smile on my face. Maybe, just maybe, I could be her friend.

* * *

Sorry there was no sexytime in this chapter but be patient, I have plans for them very soon.

Thanks for reading. I hoped you enjoyed and please remember to

REVIEW

=]


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

E POV

I was the first to leave the bubble that Bella and I had created when the bell for lunch sounded. I swung my bag over my shoulder, sent her a smile and turned to leave.

"Edward." Her voice was quiet but powerful. I turned to look at her.

"I hope we can be friends." She said timidly, almost afraid I would shoot her down, say no.

I felt comfortable with Bella now, like how I felt with Alice or Rosalie, well, how I felt with Rosalie when she wasn't being a complete dipshit.

I felt the same with Alice and Rosalie apart from the desire I had for Bella.

Bella and I were on our way to being friends. Something we hadn't ever really been before despite the fact I'd known her for about eight years. Bella was kind, friendly, caring and completely different to most of the airheads at this school who wanted to get into my pants. Emmett said she'd been trying to be my friend for years and I've ignored her, muttered a few words at her when she asked me a question. I was rude. I was a dick.

My stomach filled with guilt.

I decided with a determined resolve that I would be Bella's friend. Fuck flashing lights.

Bella wanted me to be her friend. I would be that for her. I would swallow my feelings for her and be her friend. It wasn't like I could do anything about my feelings anyway. I had nothing to offer her, I could never love her, I could never love anyone. I wouldn't love anyone.

Love was a fucked up lie, an excuse to use when you hurt someone.

People always get hurt. I wasn't going to be the one to get hurt and I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one doing the hurting.

People around here hadn't realised it yet but I knew better.

That's why I fuck around, I don't get attached, I don't even tell my aunt I love her because it's a lie. I don't lie. I might be a lot of things; a screw up, a fuck up, a substance abuser, but I am not a liar.

"Can we?" Her voice, all soft and worried, brought me out of my thoughts.

"Sure. Friends." I sent her another smile and left the cafeteria.

I could be her friend. I would be her friend.

* * *

I strolled into the noisy Biology room; Mr Banner couldn't control his students for shit, and went to the front desk to see where I was placed on the seating plan. Back-left. I grinned. The seat next to me was empty, no fucking Mike Newton to put up with or Jessica and Lauren trying to cop a feel under the desk, I would go to them when I wanted something.

The second bell went but the volume of the class discussing who got with whom over the summer, who broke up – I heard Bella's name chucked around a few times – and who had been seen at a family planning clinic. I didn't even realise Forks, population four, had a family planning clinic. I guess I didn't know because I never needed it, I was smarter than most even when I was pissed and high. Use a rubber kiddies.

Banner stood up and cleared his throat once, twice, three times before he snapped. "Silence." He yelled.

I laughed into my hand.

The class went silent with shock when the classroom door flung open and slammed against the wall. I winced at the volume change.

Mr Banner's head snapped to the doorway for the culprit.

Bella Swan shuffled in, cheeks red and voice quiet in apology.

Quiet words were exchanged between the pair before he finally gestured to the only seat free in the class. The one next to mine.

I watched as she approached. Her toned, silky legs bringing her forward. I both cursed and thanked Rosalie and Alice for putting her in a skirt. I wanted her more than ever but I couldn't have her. She couldn't just be a fuck like most of the girls in this school because she was beautiful and too damn nice for me to be able to blow her off like I knew I would have to do when she got too close.

She approached the chair and looked at me warily like I would growl at her if she sat down. I sent her a small smile and moved my bag off the chair. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she's cautious when it comes to me, I'm cold with her one minute, lukewarm the next and then icy the minute after. I would be better now. She'd get lukewarm all the time. Lukewarm was friendly. I would be her friend.

I laughed to myself as I realised how often I'd thought that over the last hour. It was becoming my mantra. I should just get it tattooed across my chest and be done with it.

Bella's head snapped to me as I chuckled quietly. She looked at me questioningly but I just shook my head slightly with the smile lingering on my face.

I had to be careful around her. My eyes were always desperate to look at her and I knew if I was not careful she would notice my longing for her. How much I wished to touch her, to kiss her. That was all I could offer her though, physical fulfilment. I don't have the ability to offer anything emotional.

* * *

**B POV**

There had been a timetabling mistake; I had been put down for Biology 1 even though I had been doing AP courses for a while now. So, after five minutes of confusion in the office, I was sent off to Lab 4 for Biology with Mr Banner.

The bell sounded again as I was walking to the lab, I growled silently. I'd probably end up in a crap seat now, the class would be working and I'd turn up late and look like a complete idiot.

Mr Banner's yell echoed down the corridor.

Great. G, R, E, A, T. Great.

I'd walk in now and he'd be in a bad mood and he'd probably yell at me and everyone would laugh.

My walk turned into a light jog. I was not going to run and end up with a broken ankle before I'd even entered the classroom. I pushed against the door hard, these Biology doors had a habit of sticking but apparently over the summer the caretaker had done something about that.

I cringed as the door slammed against the wall and no force of nature could stop the blood that rushed to my cheeks as everyone's gaze shot to me. I swallowed and continued forward to Mr Banner with a quiet "sorry" and explained the situation. He did not look very amused as he brushed me off with a gesture that said to go sit at the back of the room.

The seat next to Edward.

I felt reluctant to go sit next to him. Yeah, we'd come to some kind of compromise in the cafeteria and we'd decided to try to be friends, but that did not mean he'd want me sitting next to him. Too much, too soon?

You had to be careful around Edward, if you got too close, too clingy, too friendly, he'd shut off. I'd seen him do it before. He'd done it to various girls at our school who he'd been _real friendly_ with. He'd even done it to Alice. He didn't talk to her for two months.

It was just him.

His childhood, his experiences, whatever they were, made him like that.

Esme explained that to Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and I just before Edward came to live with the Cullen's.

Her eyes had been red, her face puffy. She'd been crying. She'd been crying every time I'd seen her for two weeks.

She'd told us we'd have to be careful around Edward. He wasn't like everyone else. My nine year old self had thought she'd meant he'd had eight arms but that theory was shot to hell when I'd seen him in the garden of the Cullen house about a month after he arrived. His bronze hair shimmered in the light and the sadness on his face was clear in his pained expression. He was beautiful even then.

I supposed I gave Edward an involuntarily anxious look as I approached him sitting at the back of the Biology lab because he sent me a little crooked smile that made me melt a little inside and he moved his bag off the seat next to him.

I sat down and faced Mr Banner when I heard a little chuckle next to me. I turned to look at Edward but he just shook his head and continued to smile. He wouldn't tell me. A little part of me hoped that when we were closer, when we were _really _friends, he would tell me.

* * *

The lesson went slowly and no one dared to talk considering the outburst Mr Banner had had at the beginning of the lesson. The one I could hear all the way down the hall.

I spent the lesson looking around the classroom, doodling on a piece of paper and glancing at Edward. He hadn't noticed my short but frequent glances; he was too busy listening to his iPod that he'd snaked the earphones of up through his t-shirt.

I followed the line the wire of the earphones created from the bud in his ear down towards where it became hidden under his t-shirt. His chain was barely visible around his neck and its outline was visible. It was longer than the average chain.

I remember the first time I'd really noticed the chain. Jasper had noticed him wearing it and had continually asked what it was, what was attached to it. He had been wearing it every day since we met him. It wasn't a thick chain, it was a silver, delicate chain that somehow didn't look feminine on him but Jasper - fed up of no answers from Edward - had mocked him for wearing a 'necklace'. Edward became furious and got in Jaspers face, cursed him out, asked 'who the fuck was he to stick his nose in other people's business?' I really thought Edward was going to hit him but he didn't, he just continued yelling but Jasper didn't back down, not once. They'd been friends ever since.

The chain glittered in the light and I wished I could see what was attached to it.

I looked down to his body and decided that he definitely was well built. I knew I was staring, that I should have been caught by him already but I wanted, no needed to look at his face again. He was just so beautiful.

I inwardly cursed myself. I had to swallow my feelings for Edward, I was ridiculously lucky that he wanted to be my friend. He'd never want to be anything else. I wasn't even sure if he could. He didn't like attachments. So after a few seconds of internal head-table collisions I forced myself to turn to the front of the class and listen to Mr. Banner.

The lesson came to an end a few minutes later and Edward left with an "I'll see you later." I smiled all the way to my next class. It was progress.

* * *

Alice was bouncing up and down on her chair as soon as I came in and Emmett was laughing at her.

"Thank god you're here! I was worried we wouldn't get to see each other at all at school." She exclaimed excitedly.

"I'm so sorry you have to eat alone Bella, if I could I'd change to your lunch hour I would." She said honestly.

"It's okay Alice, I don't sit alone." I smiled, thinking of Edward.

"Oh my god, you sit with _Mike_, don't you?" She said his name with distain.

"No. I'm not desperate and so much for you rescuing me Emmett!" I sniped, turning on the boy to my right. "He's been on my ass twice today!"

He just sat there and laughed.

"It's not funny; he's making me go to the party on Friday."

"Oh god Bella, really? What a cruel boy, trying to get you a social life." Emmett grinned.

I turned in my seat and faced Alice.

"Stop changing the subject Bella! Who do you sit with at lunch?" Alice asked, frustrated.

"Edward." I shrugged.

The shock on her face was visible.

Emmett's giant hands grabbed at my arms and twisted me back towards in my seat.

"Edward came and sat with you today?"

I nodded. "He told Mike to get lost too."

Our French teacher chose that moment to walk in but I didn't miss the proud grin plastered across Emmett's face.

* * *

Alice and Rosalie had been continuously asking me about my break-up with Jake but I could never bring myself to tell them why'd he'd broken up with me. I was embarrassed. He'd fallen in love with someone else. He'd been in love with someone for four months of him and I didn't even know. Even thought he swore to me they'd only kissed I felt stupid, hurt, even a little undesirable but the attention I'd been receiving from boys since the break-up made me feel better and even though most of the guys were creeps, it was nice to reaffirm that I was desirable to some people.

Jacob said he found me attractive, that he wanted me but he and Nessie had just happened and then he fell in love me her. He didn't want to break-up with me because he loved me like a sister and didn't want to hurt me but he couldn't be without Nessie. I knew if Alice and Rosalie knew they'd be fuming, that Jacob had no right to cheat on me but if I was honest with myself I understood what he meant.

I loved him like a brother and even though I knew it might feel a little weird seeing him with someone else; it wouldn't hurt because we weren't like that. We weren't physical or passionate; we were friends who just fell into a label. We just became girlfriend and boyfriend; there was no desire between us.

I did not want him a hundredth of the amount I wanted Edward.

* * *

The time until the party decreased as did the material on the skirts Alice and Rosalie had put me in and by Thursday the entire senior class was excited about Mike's party. I wasn't looking forward to it. At all.

I know that Alice and Rosalie will spend all their time with Jasper and Emmett, Edward will spend the entire time hooking up with Jessica or Lauren, both queen of the whores and I'll spend the entire evening defending myself from Mike's advances because despite their promise to protect me from the horny boys of Forks High, Emmett and Jasper had failed to protect me from the king of unused sperm; Mike Newton.

Lunches with Edward had been getting progressively more comfortable, friendlier and today was no different, he'd told me about how Emmett had finally cleaned his room and then fallen down the stairs because he couldn't see over his pile of dirty clothes.

I laughed for minutes and Edward chuckled right along with me.

I'd be rubbing this one in Em's face for at least a month.

We'd talked about our biology assignment and he'd told me we could work on it tonight when I came over to pick my clothes for tomorrow night with Alice.

He'd even recommended a list of books I should read.

We were getting good at this friends thing. It was becoming increasingly easier to talk to him and not get tongue-tied, I knew it would be easier to watch him talk to other girls in the corridor and not feel jealous because they were getting a part of him that I wasn't. It was getting easier because I was becoming a part of his life and that's all I ever wanted. Yeah, I would have liked to have been something more than a friend but this is all I could be if I wanted to mean anything to him because those girls he slept with and hooked up with, they couldn't mean anything to him, they were disposable to him.

But there was always the hope that Edward and I could be something more than friends and this hope was growing with every look he sent me, every time his gaze lingered on my bare legs, every time he brushed against me and despite my attempts at swallowing this hope, it always found its way to the surface, stronger and more powerful every day.

Today, we'd walked together to Biology and Jessica had tried to stop him and she indiscreetly invited him to a supply closet. I didn't even bother to stop walking, I knew he'd say yes. He always said yes.

"Not now Jessica."

He rushed forward a bit and placed his hand on my right shoulder.

"Wait up." He said in my ear.

I could hear Jessica dramatically huff behind me and I begged every cell in my body not to fool themselves into thinking that he said no because he wanted to spend more time with me.

* * *

In Biology we spent the hour listening to how we should write up our enzyme experiment. It was tedious and unnecessary; we'd written dozens of these things in the last three years.

French went fast as Alice tirelessly threw little pieces of paper on my desk with possible combinations of outfits for tomorrow. I stopped opening them after the third one.

Alice pulled me towards her car, yelling at Emmett to stop "making face with Rosalie and get In the damn car or he was walking" and muttering constantly about the party. Anyone would think it was prom by the way she was going on about it.

Edward's car was already on the driveway when Alice pulled in. I asked Em why they didn't all drive together.

"Boundaries." He shrugged like that explained it. He caught my confused expression and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Edward."

I nodded in understanding. Edward liked his space.

* * *

Alice put me into the shortest skirt she could find and the tightest top. Then, she pushed me out the bedroom door and into the living room where Edward and Emmett were playing on the PS3. Emmett turned around at all the fuss I was making, I looked like a whore but Alice was relentless and asked Em what he thought. He went bonkers and started yelling about "horny boys not getting to see my semi-sister's lady lumps."

This outburst caused Edward to turn around and a smile found its way to his face. His eyes lingered on my legs and my chest. His face flushed when he realised I saw his gaze.

The hope grew even more. He wanted me. I knew he did.

* * *

Alice eventually decided on a pretty, feminine, blue dress that hit mid thigh and rested by straps over my shoulders. I felt comfortable and attractive in it.

I changed back into the clothing I wore to school, my skirt and a summery top before going to find Edward to start our Biology assignment.

I wandered down to the living room only to be told by Em that Edward was in his room on the third floor waiting for me.

I walked up the stairs and knocked on the only door on the top corridor, Edward appeared at the door with wet hair and in a tight t-shirt and pyjama bottoms, he'd clearly had a shower. I swallowed the want, the desire and entered the room. I looked around the room, it was tidy, big and tidy.

He had a large CD collection on one wall and an even bigger book collection on the other wall.

He gestured for me to sit on his large bed that had Biology books spread across it so I pulled out my resources and sat crossed legged, careful not to do anymore flashing of underwear this week, on the right side of his bed.

He joined me quietly and we began working.

His eyes danced across my face when I read from textbooks, watching my lips, my eyes, the blush that appeared on my cheeks with the attention. His fingers tensed and relaxed as they rested near my legs, every so often it looked like he would reach forward from his position opposite me and touch me, just as my skin begged him to do, but he would just reach for a book only to put it down a few seconds later.

I knew he wanted me. Even if it was just how he wanted Jessica or Lauren or any other of the girls he used, he wanted me. That filled me with pride and only intensified my longing.

We became bored quickly and began throwing "this or that" questions back and forth.

I knew how to do this lab, it was easy, it required no concentration and Edward surprised me with his knowledge; he was smart, really smart, that shouldn't have surprised me as he was clearly well read but considering the amount of time he spent out at weekends and in the evenings I thought he wouldn't have time to study.

"Saturday or Sunday?" He asked.

"Saturday."

"Why?"

"Sunday is ruined by the thought of Monday."

"Und-"

"It's my turn." I interrupted. "Big Mac or McChicken Nuggets?"

"McChicken Nuggets."

"How manly of you, Mr Happy Meal." I laughed.

"Ha ha ha. Orange juice or Apple juice?"

"Apple." I licked my lips. "Yummy."

His eyes dropped to my lips. I couldn't help the smile on my face.

"Left or right?" I asked.

"I never have to decide but left, I guess. Yeah, always left." He seemed to laugh to himself. I didn't get it.

"Nemo's gills or Dumbo's ears?"

"Eat or have?" I asked stupidly.

"Have." He laughed. "Why on earth would I ask you to eat elephant ears?" He continued to laugh as wrote on our assignment. He was writing quickly, very quickly, like he had somewhere to be or something else to do but he continued to humour me and play our game.

"They might be a delicacy somewhere." I blushed.

I felt his eyes on my face which caused the blood to rush to my face even more.

"I believe you owe me an answer Miss Swan." He chuckled quietly at my redness.

"Dumbo's ears."

"Why?"

"I like the idea of being able to fly away, to always feel like there's the certainty of escape, that if you get far enough away from the bad stuff, everything will be okay." I answered honestly, looking up.

He looked thoughtful, removing the pen from the page and spoke quietly.

"There's never the certainty of escape, there's only the certainty of feeling trapped."

His conviction tinged with edge of bitter sadness, the frankness in his eyes as they met mine sent shivers down my spine.

"You can get as far away from pain and hurt and all that shit as you want but it will still be there, it will trickle into your soul, into your heart. It doesn't go away, ever."

We certainly weren't talking about Dumbo anymore.

It made my stomach ache and my throat burn as I realised the full extent of Edward Cullen.

I knew he was damaged but I think I was only just realising the extent of the damage.

He felt trapped but I didn't know if he felt trapped in Forks, trapped as the person who he was perceived to be or trapped in the mental state of a nine year old boy who seemed to have been through more than anyone could ever imagine. Or maybe, just maybe, it was all of those things.

He was bitter and angry and no one knew why. Well no one except Esme and Carlisle, but it had been eight years and he still seemed as broken as the day I first saw him so they obviously couldn't help him, I knew they must have done everything they could to help him, it was in their nature, but they just couldn't fix him.

Looking at him, meeting his eyes across the bed we were laying on, my head was filled with a thought. It was probably a ridiculous notion but it gave me the excuse to do what every part of me wanted to do.

_Maybe I could fix him._

I watched as my hand reached towards his neck and grasped it softly, I could feel the chain beneath my palm. My hand made contact with the soft hair at the bottom of his neck and his eyes seemed to open slightly in surprise before closing with a soft exhale. He wanted me, I hoped he did before but he I knew he wanted me know, he didn't resist; he didn't even consider not letting me kiss him. I didn't hesitate as I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. It was soft and light and everything a first kiss should be as his lips gently caressed mine. His hand reached up to my neck and rubbed my pulse point. My heart was racing, I could feel it in my head and I should have been embarrassed that he could feel it beneath his hand but all I could think was _I'm kissing Edward, finally_.

I pulled back slightly to judge his face and I found that his eyes were open now; I didn't break our gaze as I leaned in again. I stopped when I heard a whisper.

"Don't."

I stared at him hard for a good few seconds and counted back from ten in my head.

You couldn't push Edward, he'd just push away.

My hand slid from his neck and I sat silently with my hands in my lap.

"I think you should go now." He said quietly as he got off the bed and ran his hands through his hair.

He didn't look at me, just stared out his window silently as I gathered my stuff as quickly as I could.

As I stood from his bed and grabbed my jacket from his chair I heard him turn around.

"I'm sorry Bella."

I turned to look at him.

"Don't apologise. I should be the one apologising."

He watched me, face devoid of emotion.

Even though my brain was screaming at me not to push him, not to say the wrong thing, my heart took over and said something I shouldn't have.

"I should apologise but I'm not going to because I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry I kissed you and if you're honest you're not sorry either. You wanted that kiss. I _know_ you did."

He stood quietly, staring at me, his face cold.

I wanted him to say something, anything.

"You need to go now Bella."

Anything but that.

I couldn't help but slam the door on the way out.

* * *

When I reached Emmett and his PS3 on the living room I was angry and dejected. And a little confused.

I was sure Edward wanted me, but his coldness made me think twice.

So I sat next to Em, grabbed a controller and began killing zombies like nobody's business.

* * *

Twenty minutes later I was calmer but confused as ever about Edward so I gave Em a hug and told him I'd see him tomorrow. I jumped off the couch and went to the front door; I opened it to find Jessica Stanley on the other side. I looked at her questioningly.

"Is Edward in his room?" She asked as her voice grated against my ears.

My heart splintered a little in my chest.

I pushed past Queen of the Whores 1 and rushed to my car. I ripped the door open and stuck the key in the ignition.

I tried to start the car several times, listening to the engine turn over.

"Please. Please. Please." I begged, praying for the car to start.

I tried once more and sighed in relief as the engine started. I could not go back into that house.

I glanced up to Edward's room and saw him standing at the window. His face was blank and my heart splintered even more. Edward didn't want me. I'd read him wrong. He wanted a hook up. That was it.

Jessica was well qualified at fulfilling that want.

My eyes locked with his once more and I tried not to cry as Jessica sauntered up to the window and began to kiss his neck.

I shoved the car into reverse and sped the hell out of there.

I thought it was getting easier being around him, liking him, even though I'd never be able to be with him.

I thought I could be his friend, _only_ his friend.

I thought I could be without his touch.

I thought I could be okay with that.

But after today, after feeling his lips against mine I knew I was wrong.

I was so, entirely, completely fucking wrong.

* * *

***hides from rotten tomatoes***

**So Edward wants Bella physically but because he wants to be her friend, because he respects her; he won't act on it because he knows he can't offer her anything emotional because his experience in Chicago won't allow him to. **

**You'll find out what happened in Chicago in a little while, not in the next few chapters but soon.**

**The party is up next. **

**Reviews make me happy!**


	4. Chapter 3

Authors Note: You guys are simply amazing. This is my first story and the number of alerts I have is simply stunning. You all make me smile so much.

Sorry for the wait – I was on holiday.

Hope you all enjoy this chapter.

--

**Chapter 3**

E POV

"What's wrong?" Jessica irritated me just by opening her mouth. Normally that wouldn't be a problem but right now words were coming out of it and I couldn't get my dick to function so I could fill it.

She was getting frustrated; whinging that her knees were hurting and she kept asking what was wrong with me.

Like I fucking knew.

"Jess stop." I pushed lightly against her arms.

She looked up at me all exasperated and squinty, looking all confused. It wasn't attractive. Bella was gorgeous when she was confused. The way the corners of her eyes would crinkle and how her lips parted ever so slightly. Gorgeous.

Fuck.

I grabbed at my hair.

Bella's just a girl. Just tits and ass and skin and bones.

Just like Jessica.

So why did it only take a kiss for Bella to get me hard but Jessica is rubbing and licking and doing all kinds of shit down there and I can't get it up.

That just doesn't happen to me.

I must just be tired or stressed. Maybe I'm drunk?

Jessica sighed again. She was doing my head in.

"Is this about Bella?"

Yes, I think it is. Shit.

"What?" I growled.

"She looked kinda crushed when she opened to door to me. Poor girl. Did you break her heart? Stupid little girl. You know she stole Mike attentions from me, she's not even pretty." She cooed as she tried to reach into my jeans.

"Get off." I growled again. She looked a little pissed off.

Good.

She doesn't get to talk about Bella like that.

Bella's nice, Jessica is a whore.

A whore who was not going to offer her services to me tonight, I assumed as she picked up her coat and slammed my door on her way out.

I flopped back onto the bed and mentally smacked myself.

Bella wasn't meant to see Jessica. I'd called Jessica this afternoon; as soon as I knew I would be spending the evening Bella I knew I'd have to relieve the tension and there was no way I was doing it myself again. I'd practically sprained my wrist the amount of times I'd been jacking off to the thought of Bella this week.

Spending hours with her everyday. Looking at her. Brushing against her.

It was torture.

I wasn't going to deny it. I was attracted to Bella. I was more attracted to her than I had ever been to anyone else, ever before.

I wanted her physically but I couldn't have her because she was my friend and I couldn't offer her anything but that. There was no way she'd want just the physical side of a relationship because, well, she's Bella. Good, sweet, innocent Bella.

Same boyfriend for two years, never been drunk, never smoked, never taken drugs, never had sex.

I'm not really sure why I know all this but Alice does like to share.

Bella's everything I'm not.

She's good, I'm bad,

She's loving, I'm cold-hearted.

She's an angel, I'm Satan.

I shouldn't have let her kiss me but I wanted, I needed to feel her lips against mine. I needed to be disappointed by the kiss, to feel nothing but I felt everything. Every pore tightened, every nerve vibrated and every movement of her lips on mine drove me wild with a desire for more.

I had to feel it again.

The tightening. The vibration. The desire.

I'd never felt it before.

Now I craved it.

The door to my room slammed open and Emmett came pounding through.

That door was going to break if it got slammed much more.

"What did you do?"

"You're going to have to be a little more specific than that Emmett."

"Bella." He growled. His eyes were tight.

"We went through our Biology and ate a couple of cakes, we listened to some music and then she left." I left out the kiss, feeling a bit uncomfortable with the threatening stance that Emmett held.

"When she came downstairs she looked upset. I doubt anything happened between your bedroom and the living room that made her almost cry so what did you do?"

"Did you consider that maybe she tripped? She's clumsy as hell."

"Edward-"

I could tell that he wasn't going to leave it alone so I cut him off.

"I really don't know Emmett. Maybe it has something to do with that dick Jacob."

Just the mention of the guy that had broke up with Bella set Emmett off on a different tangent. He was still seething that Jake had the audacity to give her a crappy reason like 'they were growing apart.' I didn't quite believe Bella when she said that but I wasn't going to push the issue.

Emmett finally emerged from his rant and looked at me.

"I know you're trying to be Bella's friend now Edward." He smiled at me. "It's really good. You need to want other people close to you."

If only he knew how close I wanted her.

His smile turned threatening.

"But I remember what you said – you said if you're her friend, you'll want more and I swear to God if you hurt her I won't hesitate to break your legs Edward. She's like my little sister. She will not be one of your playthings." Emmett hissed at me.

"I think I can control myself around her." I smirked at him but I didn't know if I was telling the truth or whether that was the biggest lie I'd ever told.

Emmett grinned at me again, grabbing a cake off my desk and spun around to leave.

"Don't slam the door!" I yelled as the door resounded against the frame.

Emmett, being the hilarious soul that he is, grabbed the door handle and repeatedly swung it open and closed.

Slam.

Slam.

Slam.

Laugh.

"Thanks Em."

* * *

I woke up on Friday morning at full mast.

Fantastic.

I'd barely slept as Bella had occupied every thought.

Her hair. Her smell. Her red, full, pouty lips.

I had to get over this obsession. A girl had never suffocated my thoughts like she had done over the last few days.

After breaking my promise to myself that I would not self service in my twenty minute shower I quickly dressed and went downstairs for breakfast.

Alice had already left to dress up Bella.

Bella. My dick jumped at the mere thought of her. I mentally chastised it, _she's just a girl._

Emmett was already showered and ready to leave for school by the time I'd finished my cereal, I shook my car keys at him; I was too tired to drive. He grinned at me and yanked them out of my hand.

Em spent the car journey trying unsuccessfully to rap along to Nelly as I tried to grab a few moments sleep. That was unsuccessful too.

He pulled into the parking lot too fast for my liking but he only snorted at my disapproving glare.

He was out of the car and with our friends before I'd even undone my seatbelt. I glanced up at them all, my eyes automatically finding Bella. Her skirt was even shorter today.

My dick jumped again.

I needed to get over Bella Swan. I needed to prove to myself that she's just a girl; a girl just like every other girl in this school. I needed to prove to myself that the tightening, the vibration, the desire was a figment of my imagination.

It was in that very second as my eyes began tracing lines up and down her bare, pale legs that I began creating a plan that would allow me to kiss her again and therefore prove to myself that she wasn't special, that any other girl could make me feel as good as she did. Hopefully if I did that my dick would start working properly again.

I pulled myself out of the car, slamming the door pretty hard. Bella's face shot up so her eyes met mine and the rejection that shone in them made me feel even shittier.

I mentally began creating a second plan that would repair the damage last night had done to my friendship with Bella.

* * *

B POV

I was feeling embarrassed and pretty damn undesirable as I dragged myself towards the cafeteria. I'd only seen Edward once today; in the parking lot, but the bell rang before I got to apologise for throwing myself at him.

I'd spent all night thinking about it. I _needed_ his touch. I _craved_ it.

But he didn't want me. He'd pushed me away. I was too damn repulsive for him to even treat me like one of his whores. He probably wouldn't even want to be my friend anymore but I _had_ to be his friend.

And to be his friend I would have to apologise for last night.

Edward wasn't sitting at our table when I walked in and so I was left sitting by myself for a while which became a situation Mike used to his advantage. He came over and asked me to sit with him and his friends. Mike told me that he'd seen Edward walking in the opposite direction earlier and that it didn't seem like he'd be coming to the cafeteria today.

I wasn't surprised.

I tried to argue with Mike as he picked up my tray but he ignored me and took it to his table. His friends were pretty nice, they weren't as funny as Emmett or as hyper as Alice or as beautiful as Edward but they were nice.

Well except Edward's groupies.

They didn't like that I'd been sitting with him every day this week.

Jessica sent me a particularly nasty look as Mike pulled me down next to him but I bit my tongue and tightened my fists, fighting every urge to punch her and call her a whore.

But the truth is if she's a whore then I am too.

She lets Edward use her to get his kicks and here I was hoping I could have the same set-up.

I wanted to be disgusted with myself but all I could think was it would be worth it to feel his lips against my own, to feel his hands on my skin.

"So Bella, are you excited about tonight?" Mike asked.

"Tonight?"

"My party." Oh. I forgot about that.

He looked kind of hurt.

"Oh yeah, totally."

I sent him a smile and pulled out my sandwich. Mike's arm came across my shoulders, pulling me close to him as he whispered into my ear.

"Good, I was hoping we could hang out."

I fought the urge to shiver and just smiled at him.

No answer, no deal.

* * *

Edward didn't turn up to Biology.

Mr Banner wanted to see the progress on our project but as far as I knew it was sitting on Edward's desk in his room. Mr B was not happy.

I was mad and even more embarrassed now. I was mad because not only had he subjected me to sitting with Mike at lunch, I had been yelled at by a teacher because he was avoiding me like a child rather than acting like a mature adult and talking to me about yesterday and I was embarrassed because he couldn't even handle being near me because I repulsed him that much after yesterday, I don't know how I read the signals so wrong. I thought he wanted me to kiss him. I'm such an idiot.

I sat perturbed through the entire of Biology but tried to calm myself before French. It didn't work too well. Alice and Emmett managed to distracted me from my Edward based frustrations by creating a plan for tonight.

"Jasper and I are going to try to fulfil our jobs as protectors of Bellarina tonight." Emmett declared to Alice as I sat down.

"Bellarina? And how are you going to do that Em?" I asked. "Follow me at all times?"

"Yep." He nodded. "We're taking it in shifts."

"We'll see how long that lasts." Alice laughed.

"You and Jasper will get drunk-" I began.

"No I won't, I'm the designated driver." Emmett grinned. "Mom and Dad are letting me have my baby back early for good behaviour."

"Okay then, Jasper will get drunk and you will get Rosified."

"What the hell is Rosified?"

"You will get distracted by Rosalie and leave poor Bella to fend for herself." Alice laughed.

"Poor Bella?" I huffed. "I'm not that incapable of looking after myself."

"That's not what I heard. You couldn't even tell Mike no at lunch today."

"What are you talking about Emmett? How did you know that?"

"I passed Edward on his way out of school. He told me."

"Oh."

Edward wasn't even in the cafeteria at lunch, how did he know I was sitting with Mike?

I'll force him to notice me, to talk to me and I'll ask him tonight when I apologise to him for last night.

* * *

Alice pulled me into her car as soon as school let out, declaring she'd need all the time she could get making us 'delectable' for the party.

Whatever.

She pulled a dozen bags of clothes out the trunk of the car and dragged them into my house. Surely she didn't need that many clothes for one night?

She rifled through the bags for nearly two hours before deciding on a bright green dress for herself and another dress for me. It was gorgeous. It was tan underneath and the entire dress was covered in intricate black lace. It dipped low in the back, had slightly capped sleeves and had a thick black satin belt wrapping around the waist of the dress before meeting in a bow at the back.

I adored it.

There was no way Edward would be able to ignore me in this. He would have to talk to me.

Alice sat me in front of the mirror and sent me an evil look in the reflective glass.

"You're going to tell me what happened between you and Jake – the truth this time, then you're going to tell me about this friendship you and Edward seemed to have plucked from nowhere and then you're going to explain to me what Jasper means by the 'Confederate Surrenders of the American Civil War."

She grabbed a hairbrush and began her torture both verbally and physically.

"So, Jacob?" She asked as she started brushing.

"You want the truth?" I asked rhetorically. "Ow Alice!" I complained as she caught a knot with the brush.

"Sorry."

She gestured for me to continue.

"We realised we were just friends." I should have told her about Nessie and how Jake fell in love with someone else but I was embarrassed. My self esteem had taken a real battering over the last week, first Jake and then Edward pushing me away yesterday.

"What do you mean?"

"There was no passion, no intimacy so now there's no relationship." I shrugged.

She just nodded silently, her eyes searching my face for more details but I wouldn't give them to her.

"Emmett said you and Edward seem to be getting along, he even invited you back to the house to work on Bio yesterday?" She half-asked, half-stated.

I nodded.

"Don't move Bella." She warned. "I might burn you." She laughed waving the hair curler around. "So…" She prompted.

"He's trying to be my friend."

At least I still hope he wants to try to be.

"Yay." She practically squealed. "You'll be a good friend for Edward, maybe you'll even be able to get him talking about Chicago, Mom and Dad won't tell Emmett or me anything and when we ask Edward he goes mental and puts up this massive wall around him." Her face was serious, her perfect skin marred with two large wrinkles in her forehead and her voice was sad. "He needs to talk about it sooner or later Bella or it's going to consume him."

Alice's eyes were full of tears; she looked at herself in the mirror in front of us before letting out a frustrated sigh. She turned her head to the ceiling and silently willed herself not to cry.

"I really love him." She whispered like she was telling a secret. "He never lets me say it, only Esme is allowed to say it, I think it's because she looks so much like his mom used to look but he never says it back, he's really broken Bella, don't expect too much."

"Emmett's already told me, don't worry Alice I'm a big girl now, I can handle Edward."

"Can you? Emmett, Jasper, Rose and I are used to it when he turns hot and cold, you're not. When he feels like he's getting to close he shuts off, pushes away, it's what he does." She looked my reflection in the eye. "You have to remember that Bella, he's not trying to hurt you, he's protecting himself."

I tried to smile at her reassuringly as I reached for her hand.

She grabbed my hand, squeezed it a couple of times and then went back to my hair.

"So are you going to tell me what Jazz is talking about?"

I tried to answer her but her words were echoing around in my head.

_When he feels like he's getting to close he shuts off, pushes away, it's what he does._

My mind drifted to last night and a light flicker of hope ignited in my stomach, maybe Edward did _want_ me but because we're friends that made me different from every other girl he's kissed so he felt like he had to push away, he had to stop the kiss.

Or maybe he just found me repulsive.

Two hours later my hair was perfectly styled. Alice had slightly curled the ends of my hair and given it more volume than I thought possible. She'd also done my makeup. She put mascara and eyeliner on me to make my eyes 'pop' and I had to admit I looked pretty damn good.

I don't think I'd ever been so girlified in my life.

A car horn went off and Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door.

"We're going to have so much fun tonight Bella; you can find someone to replace Jacob." She grinned.

Emmett and Rosalie were sitting in the front of his hulk of a car and Jazz and Edward were in the back.

Alice bounced into Jasper's arms and he pulled her onto his lap and did the seatbelt around them both. He was always thinking about her.

Edward got out of the car, opening the door and gestured for me to get in, all without looking at me. I pushed my heeled foot off the floor and attempted to get into the car but I lost my balance. Edward's hand was against the small of my back, before I'd even began to fall, helping me into the car. I slid into the middle seat and Edward was closely behind me.

"Thanks." I said quietly.

He just nodded tersely without looking at me.

The car journey was filled with Emmett's attempts to rap and Alice bouncing, literally, along to the latest Rihanna tune which caused Jasper to grimace and then moan which led to whining as Edward reached around me and smacked his head twice.

"Once for me. Once for Emmett." He'd justified.

"Yeah, don't be taking advantage of my virginal sister." Emmett grunted even though he was fully aware of Alice's less than virginal qualities and no one was going to argue with him. He was in control of a vehicle.

Emmett pulled into Mike's road a few minutes later and Edward was out of the car instantly.

I jumped out of the car and Emmett came up to me, offering me his arm. Rosalie, who was on his other arm, laughed before Emmett told us that it was his shift at 'protecting Bella from the dicks of Forks'. I wrapped my arm around his and we walked into the house that had music blaring but no one was dancing. No one was drunk enough to embarrass themselves yet.

Rosalie instantly turned to Emmett and pouted.

"I want to dance. Pleassssse baby."

Emmett looked at me and then at Rose, he did this several more times.

"I'm supposed to be looking after Bella."

"You can later babes."

He sighed and grabbed her hand.

"You have officially been Rosified." I grinned before I laughed and walked into the kitchen to get a drink.

The kitchen was empty except for Edward who was rifling through a bucket of melting ice, he straightened up when he found the bottle of beer he was looking for and opened it.

He turned around and almost jumped when he saw me. We were on opposite ends of the kitchen, me sitting on top of a counter, him leaning against a worktop. His eyes drifted up and down my body, his grip on his bottle tightening slightly, his eyes came to rest on my face and he was just staring at me, waiting for me to say something.

"Are we going to talk about yesterday?" I asked quietly, my thumb flicking over the tab on the can of Pepsi I was holding.

"I-" Edward was interrupted by Mike stumbling into the kitchen with Jessica.

"Bellaaaaaa you came." Mike grinned at me, letting go of Jessica and moving to stand in front of me.

"It's not even nine Mike."

"I'm not drunk." His hand moved to my leg and his thumb began to move across the skin.

"Okayyyyy." I picked Mike's hand up by the wrist and moved it away from me to the marble I was sitting on. "You are really drunk."

I looked around the room for Edward to try to get some back up dealing with boozy but he wasn't here but Jessica was, glaring at me.

"Can I get some help?"

She rolled her eyes before coming over to Mike, pulling on his arm and whispering to him 'if he needed some help getting to bed.'

Whore.

"No, I want to stay here with Bellaaaa." He slurred as his hand tried to make its way towards my bare leg again.

Jessica sighed aggravated. "Trying to stop me from getting any dick Bella?" She then stormed out the kitchen.

Thanks for your help Jessica and what the hell are you talking about?

I spent the next twenty minutes trying to convince Mike that he was in fact drunk and would not be getting any action from me and trying to alert the intoxicated that I needed Emmett or Jasper but Mike would not let me leave and Em and Jazz did not come to my rescue.

Shitty knights in shining armour.

The clock struck nine when I finally managed to get Mike to stop attempting to molest me in the kitchen with a promise of a dance.

I looked around the main living room to see Emmett making out with Rose and Jasper looking intoxicated as well as distracted by Alice.

Shitty knights in shining armour.

I managed to lose Mike in the crowd and I considered walking home and hiding until the others were ready to leave. I looked down at my feet to see the high heels and decided that I was not going to walk home so I shot up the stairs and tried to find a room to hide in.

Most of the rooms were locked but there was one at the very end of the hallway that was unlocked so I rushed inside and rested my forehead against the wooden door.

Mike's voiced echoed along the hall and I quickly flicked the lock on the door.

I heard door after door rattle before Mike jiggled the handle of the door I was behind.

He sighed and gave up.

It wasn't that he was a sex pest or anything, he was just drunk.

I let out a relieved breath and ran my hands though my slightly curled hair.

"You looked pretty comfortable with him today and now you're hiding from him?"

I spun around the dark room to find myself just metres away from Edward who was seated on a chair holding a beer bottle to his lips.

E POV

"Mike?" She asked confused.

"Yep." I sneered the word.

"I'm never comfortable with Mike."

"You looked comfortable at lunch today when you let him wrap his arm around you and whisper in your ear and in the kitchen earlier with his hands on your legs." I was being cold with her; I had been cold with her all night because I didn't like seeing her with Mike. If I couldn't have Bella I sure as hell didn't want him to have her and I slightly pissed off that she'd been encouraging him, it was only yesterday that she kissed me.

"You saw us at lunch?" She asked irritably like I'd been spying on her or something.

"I came to speak to you. I thought we could talk about yesterday." I justified.

"So you saw Mike on me, who by the way doesn't know his boundaries, and left school?"

She didn't want Mike's affections. Good. I took another swig of beer and touched the droplets of condensation on the bottleneck.

"Yep." I didn't have a reasonable explanation for why I left school today, I just _had_ to. I got up, leaving my empty beer bottle on the floor, ready to leave the room, which appeared to be Mike's bedroom.

As I approached the door she placed a hand against my chest and pushed slightly.

"We need to talk about this." She said quietly, her voice barely notable over the harsh beats of the music below.

"Talk about what?"

"Yesterday night." She looked embarrassed, her cheeks taking on a shade of pink. "I kissed you."

"I kissed you back." Her eyes shot to mine, that wasn't the response she expected, she thought I wasn't attracted to her.

"But then you stopped and you screwed Jessica Stanley." Her voice was bitter when she spoke about Stanley just like mine was when I mentioned Newton. "Why?"

"Why did I stop kissing you? You're my friend so I don't want to hurt you and just so you know I didn't fuck Jessica Stanley."

She looked slightly appeased by this.

"Why do you think you'd hurt me." Her hand was still resting on my chest.

I don't know why but I needed to touch her so I reached for her hand and played with her fingers.

Just looking at her fingers made my dick twitch never mind looking at her long legs in that sexy dress; that evoked a semi-boner. Shit. I was quickly considering the possibility that maybe I wouldn't not be able to prove to myself that the tightening, the vibration and the desire was a mere figment of my imagination, I was considering the likely possibility that I was more attracted to Bella Swan than I was to ten Laurens and Jessicas.

I had to know before we could continue this conversation because if the tightening, the vibration, the desire was real, then I would want it every day in the foreseeable future because I had been craving it every minute since our kiss.

"Edward?" Bella asked. She wanted me to answer her question.

"I need to kiss you before I answer that." She looked confused and her lips partly slightly and that's all I needed. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. She stumbled back slightly but there was a wall just a step behind her. I started the kiss slowly, calmly and I could feel the buzz under my skin, growing, pulsing. The kiss became more powerful, more passionate and the buzz increased until all I could feel was Bella and my desire for her.

I pulled away and she was looking at me with wide eyes.

I ran my fingers through my hair.

She made my body feel things with a simple kiss that no other girl has ever done even rounding all four bases.

I couldn't imagine never kissing her again, never feeling the buzz of her skin on mine. My body groaned at the thought of going back to girls like Jessica or Lauren when I had Bella standing right in front of me, but Bella was my friend and I could not hurt her.

"Edward, why do you think you'd hurt me." She asked again.

"I can't do love, I do physical, I do physical really, really well, but I can't do love." I looked her in the eye and continued. "If that's something you'd be looking for, you'd get hurt because I'll never be able to give you that."

I stood quietly and just looked at her.

She was fucking beautiful but despite my desire for her, despite the fact that I admired her and found her personality wonderful and fascinating, I couldn't be her boyfriend or anything that requires attachment or emotion because that could lead to love.

I don't do love.

I can't do love.

This was all I could offer her. Friendship that could be physical.

I mentally cringed as I realised what I was offering her, "friends with benefits" and that made me cringe because I respected her more than giving her a label only a step above booty call.

"I'm your friend. I'll always be your friend but I think we have to acknowledge that physically we want each other but it's your decision if we act on it."

She stood quietly for a few moments, considering everything I had said.

Maybe she was looking for a way to tell me that she needed a relationship and that she needed emotion and she just couldn't find the words.

I wanted to make the situation easier for her so I reached again for the door.

"Wait." Her hand shot out to cover mine. "I'm attracted to you and you're attracted to me."

I nodded.

"Okay then." She exhaled sharply before pressing her lips against mine.

I couldn't control myself then, the buzz controlled me.

One hand fisted itself in her chocolate hair and the other reached for the soft skin of her leg, just under the lace of her dress.

Her lips increased in pace and I couldn't contain my moan as her hand drifted under my shirt and her fingers began drifting over the skin of my stomach.

Tightening.

Vibrations.

Complete and utter desire.

* * *

**Reviews are better than moaning Edwards.**

**Also do you guys want descriptions of B/Es sexual encounters or should I just gloss over them. I've pretty much decided but opinions are appreciated.**


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